things I regret

Not long ago I was reflecting on becoming a parent. And I surprised myself, because as I thought about it, I realized that there are very few, if any, things that I regret so far in the way that I've parented Anastasia. Of course I know that nobody can be a perfect mom. But so far, I feel like we've done pretty well.

But in the last few days, I've noticed a few mistakes I think I've made. I'm writing them here so I don't forget them, so I can do even better in the future--and for our next baby, if and when we have one.

So here are a few of the things I'll change in the future:

I wish I'd never started putting Anastasia down to sleep. In the past week I've been reading The Continuum Concept and Our Babies, Ourselves, and they made me realize that babies really are meant to be held and nursed all the time, at least until they're able to walk. Did you know that the !Kung San nurse their babies, on average, every thirteen minutes? Amazing. They carry them all the time in slings on their hips, and the babies just help themselves to milk whenever they want it. And Gusii babies are within five feet of someone more than 60% of the time, waking or sleeping, until they're over a year old. Usually they're in someone's lap or arms, or tied to someone's back. I was carrying Anastasia all the time, awake or asleep, up through three months, and most the time until four or five months. But then I started putting her down once she was asleep. It made it easier for me to do things--but she would cry when she woke up, and she didn't sleep as long. I thought she was getting too heavy to wear for naps, but that's silly. If all those tribal women can do it, well, so can I. So yesterday I put her in the sling to nap instead of swaddling her and putting her in her hammock, and we were both so much happier. She slept much longer, and she woke happy instead of crying. And I realized how much I missed having her close while she naps. So I'm back to wearing her all the time--right this minute, she's nestled in the sling, next to my heart, fast asleep.

I wish I'd started EC when she was born instead of when she was two weeks old. I keep telling myself that it couldn't have made too much of a difference in her signaling, and she's probably just one of those babies who won't signal much until she starts to become more verbal and communicative. But I wish I'd tried earlier. I think it might have made me better at knowing when she needs to go. Next time, I'll catch the meconium.

I wish I'd tried not eating dairy earlier. I don't think I could have done that differently, because I had no idea what to try. But it helped so much, I wish I'd figured it out earlier. I ate a cupcake this weekend to see what would happen (there's dairy in the icing), and Anastasia got sick from it yesterday. I can't believe I allowed her to be miserable like that for so long before I figured out what was bothering her. Next time, if my baby has problems, I'll go on an immediate total elimination diet before I allow it to suffer.

That's really all I can think of, though, so I guess I feel like I'm doing a lot of things right.

babies love to be carried

I had a sweet experience today at the grocery store. I was carrying Anastasia on my back (in my new Beco Butterfly). She was getting tired, but she's starting to like being on my back, and she was sitting there quietly while I shopped. A lady who worked at the supermarket saw me and asked, "Where are you from?"

Confused, I answered, "Atlanta."

"Oh, I didn't know people carried their babies on their backs like that here!" She was evidently delighted. "In my country, we all carry babies like that."

"Where are you from?" I asked her.

"Ethiopia," she said.

Well, of course everyone carries babies on their backs there! They do it everywhere outside of the western world. But, as I told my supermarket friend, we westerners are slowly catching up to some of the wisdom that a lot of cultures never lost. "Babies like to be carried," I said, reaching around to pat Anastasia, and my new friend smiled and nodded.

"Aaah," said Anastasia, which was her way of agreeing with us.

eight hours of sleep!?!

Last night Anastasia slept for eight hours straight. Actually eight and a half, from ten-thirty till seven. I don't think she's ever slept longer than five hours before, and that somewhat rarely, although I can't really be sure...now that she's big enough to pull my boob into her mouth by herself, I think I've slept through quite a few of her night wakings. Gotta love having her sleep in bed with me.

So I ought to have felt wonderful today after such a long sleep, but of course I didn't sleep for eight hours. I didn't go to bed till midnight, and I woke up at five. That's when Anastasia has been waking up for breakfast, until today. I did go back to sleep until seven, but, well, it's not the same as straight hours of sleep.

Or is it that I'm more tired now because I got enough rest to feel how tired I've been?

The funniest part is that I don't even mind her night wakings any more...in fact, I kind of missed them this morning. I lay awake for a while at five this morning hoping she would wake up. I wasn't about to wake her, of course, or move or breathe loudly in a way that might disturb her, but, well, I lay there looking at her, waiting for her to wake. I knew she was going to. But she just sighed and moved her arm a little, and slept on. After a while, I fell asleep too, still expecting her to wake and want to nurse.

I already can tell I'm going to miss all the night nursings as she gradually outgrows them.

Ah, well. Ten to one she'll wake every two hours tonight.